What to wear on your Head

I agonized over losing my hair.  In fact I actually considered not doing Chemo because I did not want to deal with losing my hair.  However, my son who was only 8 years old at the time said to me, "Mom you have to do chemo and lose your hair, because we need you around."  Wow!  I thought!  such wisdom from my son.  With that in mind, I faced chemo head on.  I remembered the first day of chemo very well.  After they gave me all of the anti-nausea meds, I went into the restroom and looked at myself in the mirror and started crying.  I had to tell myself to go back out there and face that "red devil" chemo.  After probably three to five minutes I came out and kept in mind that I am doing this for my family.

Now before I even began chemo, my Mom and Dad helped pay for a really nice wig to wear.  The American Cancer society has free wigs but the quality of the one my parents help me buy was so much better.  I had heard others tell me that the wigs were hot and scarfs and hats were the way to go.  I did not agree, for one, my wig was actually cooler than the scarfs I wore around the house and two, I was more obsessed with my hair than other women are.  I have noticed though, if women are more worried about their hair, they tend to go for wigs and if they could care less about their hair, they tend to go for scarves and hats. 

When deciding, you choose what will make you feel beautiful and able to keep up the fight.

Food and Chemo

Food and Chemo............those two words did not go together for me.  In my first four treatments, I learned that I needed to eat lunch but learned real quick what I could tolerate on those days and evenings.  My husband brought me the only thing that worked for me and that was a baked potato with grilled chicken from McAlister's Deli.  Sometimes the baked potato came from Wendy's and it was plain.  It was bland enough yet filling for me to get through the afternoon.  Dinner would be about the same but it seems baked potato soup from Chili's was the only thing that tasted good in the evening. 

When I started Taxol, it was usually scheduled for 3:30 in the afternoon, so I would not miss more days of teaching.  I would grab some cheese and fruit and eat it on the way to the center.  I always kept extra snacks in my bag as well, but wanted to make sure that I did not go into my treatment with an empty stomach.

I found that in between treatments, I needed to eat when I am getting hungry and eat what sounds good.  I was a water drinker.  Because I sing and teach, water was very valuable to me.  However, I found that water tasted terrible during  my time on chemo.  I finally had to start putting fruit in my water just to tolerate it.  In a bind, I used a third of a Crystal Light package and added it to water.  That way there was a pleasant taste but not too sweet.

It can be tough, nothing taste the same and some things just do not sound appealing.  The trick for me, was to eat when I needed to and eat what sounds good. Your body will tell you what it needs, just listen.

Click Here for free food clip art. (2014)

Chemo Day

I can say that I dreaded Chemo day.  I dreaded the first day and the rest of the days.  I went in dragging my feet.  In fact, I got so sick on my first chemo treatment, that my husband had to take me back into the center the next day to get pumped full of fluids.  I told the nurse practitioner that this is not worth it and I will not be back in two weeks.  Well, they promised they would get the right anti-nausea medicines next time and Alan did have to push me to go.  I am so glad Alan was by my side and reminded me that I am fighting for him and our kids.  Chemo not only made me sick, but affected my decision making ability as well.  I meant what I told my nurse practitioner and my doctor about it not being worth it.  At the time I felt it was not worth being so sick that I could barely eat or drink anything, or deal with minor mouth sores, or the hot flashes or feeling tired all the time.  Looking back now, I am glad I went through with it. I survived and yes I am even stronger now.  I have noticed that the things that use to worry me or scare me now seem silly.  After all, I survived five surgeries and 20 weeks of chemo. 

So what did I take with me each time I went in for chemo?  Here are a few things I brought.

1. A bag big enough to hold everything.
2.  A blanket.  Some people get cold, I however, used it as more for security.  It was like having something hugging me the whole time.
3. Bring a Bible, books, magazines, puzzles etc.
4. Music and ear phones. I listened to a lot of praise and worship music.
5. Healthy snacks and drinks.  My cancer center had sodas, water and snacks but I am gluten intolerant and had to be careful with what I ate.  Plus sugary sodas??? That did not sound like it would fight cancer to me.
6. Lotion, lip balm, lavender oil.
7. Phone to text to friends.  Just be careful if you are given adivan for anti-nausea.  It can make you loopy and your text will not make sense ;-)
8. If you have work you need to do and that helps you stay focused, bring your laptop, tablet.  This is also good to watch movies on too.

Bring what works for you.  These are things that helped me get through the long hours while I received treatments.  My first four rounds lasted about six hours, while my last 12 rounds were about two and half hours.  Treatments vary from person to person and doctors or nurses will let each patient know what to expect.

The Hospital Stay

Here are a few things to consider taking with you to the hospital especially if you are facing a mastectomy or a bi-lateral mastectomy. 

1.  Comfortable PJ's with a button down front and some fuzzy socks.
2.  A Robe with a zipper front.
3.  Phone.
4.  Favorite music or any music to help you stay calm.
5.  Lavender oil to keep you calm.
6.  Books, magazines, and puzzles such as cross word, word search, etc. 
7. Bible or bring some favorite Bible verses to read and remind you that you are not alone.
8. Toiletries:  Eye glasses, contact solution, contact case, tooth brush, tooth paste, facial products, etc.
9.  Lotion, and lip balm.
10. Hard candy and gum (sugar free on both)
11. Clothes to go home in and unmentionables ;-)  Remember to bring a button down shirt.  You will want that after a surgery like this.

If your hospital is like mine, your family/friends, will have a nurse navigator that will stay with them the duration of the surgery.  That was really appreciated by my husband and friends that were in the waiting room.   My surgery was about six hours long but these kind of surgeries can vary depending on what your having done.

This is only a suggestion, take things that will keep you comfortable, relaxed and calm.  Keep in mind that you may have visitors coming in and out.  Nurses will be checking on you non-stop and your nurse navigator will also pay a visit to check on your progress, concerns, and questions you may have.  Take all the free help that is offered!

Side Note: This was drawn by my son Andrew...........The cross with the breast cancer ribbon.  Even at an young age he knows none of us can get through this without the Lord.  I just love his heart.

Facing Surgery

Some have asked how I prepared for surgery?  I have had five surgeries having to do with removing the cancer or reconstruction.  I do not think surgery is anything that many look forward to but in many cases, it is necessary. 

My first one was little scary for me.  It was a lumpectomy and it was to be day surgery.  The Sunday night before my surgery the following Thursday, I had a thought....."You better give Alan all the passwords to all of the accounts."  I shot straight up in bed and had a panic attack.  From that point on, I was scared to death to have this surgery.  I read some things on line to help me prepare.  One thing I found helpful was to buy a new set of pajama's and have them on your bed so when you return, you have something new and fresh to wear.  Also make sure your bedroom is not cluttered and cleaned.  Make sure you have a good support system taking you to surgery and bringing you home.  I certainly had that.  Even though I did the things suggested, I was still SCARED!

While a group of people at my church prayed over me Sunday morning and I kept praying for peace, I could not shake my fear.  I went for a walk in our neighborhood park the evening before surgery.  I wanted to make sure I got a last attempt of exercise before my surgery.  I got several texts from Anna's Kindergarten teacher during the walk.  Now there was no way that she knew what was going on in my head.  She knew I had breast cancer and was having surgery the next morning. This is what the texts said:

Abigail, as I am praying for you now, I see the grace and the peace of God surrounding you, filling you and lifting you above all fear and anxiety! I see you walking through this fire, never alone, and coming out the other side without even a trace of smoke! Be at peace knowing that the MANY prayers sent to the throne on your behalf are precious to the Lord and He hears them and will joyfully answer them! I will be praying for you without ceasing......love you and your sweet family! God bless you!

Wow!  The moment I read that, all fear left me and I had a peaceful night sleep and went into surgery the next morning pretty calm.

Unfortunately, it turned out that I had one lymph node with cancer and another spot near the other cancer was found.  So now I was facing a double mastectomy and now chemo.  I kept looking at that text that Anna's Kindergarten teacher sent me, and held on to that promise.  I had some extra money and Alan and I re-did our bedroom with some uplifting color and made sure that I had food, snacks and plenty of my favorite tea ready for when I came home.

Will all of these things help you?  I do not know.  You have to find what works and helps you get through this hurdle.  Everyone is different and you know what will put you in a better mood and what gives you something to look forward to returning home after surgery.  Find what works for you!

The Checkup...........

Once I finished my chemo, I began the monthly, bi-monthly and then every four month visits.  Each time I went in for the checkup, I was glad to still have someone monitoring me but at the same time always felt just a little apprehensive about the outcome of each visit.  I also found myself paranoid about every little ache or pain that I would have.  My doctor reassured me that if the pain goes away, calm down.  If it last two weeks or more, call in.  I have lived by that.  When I experience a new pain, I try to find the cause and wait for it to go away.  I have to live my life as normal as I can and have to believe that God is not finished with me yet.  I remind myself to live the calling He called me to and enjoy life.

Tuesday I went to my last four month checkup and have graduated to every six month checkups.  As always, I am relieved there is no new evidence of cancer and very grateful. 

I love the verse in Philippians 3: 13,14
Forgetting the past and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I keep trying to reach the goal and get the prize for which God called me through Christ to the life above.

I daily remind myself to forget enough to live but remember enough to take care of myself.

A Day at a Time

There is so much that was thrown at me in the beginning of my diagnosis.  Statistics, percentages, medications, other treatments, etc.  Most of it went in one ear and out the other.  I was given brochures, magazines, books and videos.  That was enough to overwhelm me.  I needed all the information to make the best decisions for my treatment but I was glad my husband Alan went with me to every appointment so that he could be my second set of ears.  I found myself not listening to all of the doctor jargon and thinking about my hair more than anything. 

Someone who is going through breast cancer treatment recently asked me how did I get past all of the information enough to make a decision.  I told her I prayed and took it one day at time.  If a day is over whelming than take it an hour or even a minute at a time.

 Always have someone you trust to go with you to every appointment so they can take notes and even interpret what is being said.

What? I have breast Cancer?

It was two years ago today around 5:30 PM when I received the phone call from my doctor.  I was really waiting to hear "It was nothing, all is good," and instead I hear, "Unfortunately it is cancer."  As I state in my previous post I had several thoughts running through my mind.  The first people in my life I contacted was my husband, of course, who had just taken our Son to the park to practice baseball.  I then sent a text to my Mom, and two of my closest friends.  Within seconds, all three had called me to talk to me in person.  One of my closest friends happens to be our preacher's wife.  She immediately got a hold of several of our Elders (we actually call them Shepherds) from church and their wives and they all showed up to our house to pray over us a couple of hours later.

What emotions did I have?  I went through so many in such a short amount of time.  I remember being scared, sad, in disbelief, angry and numb.  I kept thinking, what could I have done better? After all, I exercised nearly everyday, ate right and drank a lot of water.  Maybe it was all the water in those plastic bottles or maybe it was the dessert I had last week or the candy I got in my stocking at Christmas.  I drove myself crazy trying to figure out how this happened to me. 

Then I went through the "What did I do wrong?  Am I being punished for something?" stage.  I finally realized it does not matter how or why this happened but how am I going to fight this.

When my friend asked me if it was OK to call the Shepherds to come over and pray, at first I thought, NO!  They have family and are probably doing something more important.  Then I thought, this is a battle and we need all the help we can get and what better way to begin a battle than to have a group of people praying over us.  Even though I continued to have a range of extreme
emotions, there was something powerful and comforting to know that people in my church that I consider friends had my back in this warfare.  They were there to walk with my family in anyway we needed.

I encourage you to seek out those people in your life that you can trust to help you on this journey.

My sweet family today........two years later!

 



You are not Alone

I am a wife of a Athletic Director/Coach and a Mom to two wonderful children.  Andrew is 10 and Anna is 7.  I am also a Choral Director of our local school and have taught choir/music for 19 years. 

Two years ago, I heard the dreaded words on the phone, "Unfortunately it is cancer."  My life and the life of my family forever changed.  Three thoughts crossed my mind;
1. What about my family?
2.  What about the Praise Team at Church? and
3. What about my kids at school? 

I knew right away that I would not quit singing on the Praise Team and certainly would not stop teaching choir to my students at school and also would continue to be a wife and mom.  But as much as I like to be independent, I knew I could not fight this battle alone.  I knew God would be with me but I knew it was going to be a community effort to get us through this crisis.

I plan to share with you my journey in hopes that it may help you know that others have and are going through what you are facing right now. You may have just found out you too have breast cancer or any cancer or you may be right in the middle of chemo........One of my favorite new verses from the Bible is:
"You only need to remain calm; the Lord will fight for you." Exodus 14:14
Wherever you are in your journey, look around and discover that you are not alone.

My family with Christian Comedian Bob Smiley May of 2012.